From the Archives:  May, 2012–Naming the Llama

Well, we have arrived at a name for our new llama.  After posting a picture on Facebook and asking for suggestions, we received over 80 responses.

Highlights included:

Lorenzo Llama

Dolly Lama

Maude

Xena Warrior Princess

Pearl

And about 20 requests from ‘Tina.’  While I enjoyed Napoleon Dynamite as much as the next guy, I just couldn’t bring myself to name her after that hideous beast.  That llama is some sort of hobbit llama with a failure for a tail, unlike our beautiful specimen.  “Tina” is about half the size of our girl and tied to a post.   Our llama is bigger than the Sphinx and wanders the badlands, looking for action wherever she might find it.

So after a lot discussion during a six hour drive to Idaho Falls for a meeting and a purchase of $800 in meat for our food cart (all-natural beef and chicken is NOT cheap, FYI), Jake and I both arrived at the same conclusion:  Janet Reno.  At first we were leaning towards Sarah Connor of Terminator fame (played by Linda Somethingface) because our llama is going to protect our sheep and she’s clearly a bad ass and Sarah Connor is the baddest assed woman in the history of the world.  But she’s [most likely] merely a character, not a real bad ass.  She’s probably a fat cat now, living the lap of luxury in the Valley or maybe even outside of Palm Springs.  For a brief moment, I thought of that gal in Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, but I have no idea what her name is or if she’s down with partying with sheep all day.  So the next logical step was Hilary Clinton.  Now I know what you’re thinking:  What about Cheryl Miller?  Sorry Reggie Miller’s hideously masculine sister, but we’re not WNBA fans despite living in Idaho and our llama is white as hell.  Sure Cheryl is super tall and equally awkward, has a throaty voice like Sam Elliot (“sometimes you eat the bear…”) and can probably get a table at any restaurant in Indianapolis but that place is a shit hole.

That left the only other bad ass woman in history, Janet Reno.  Like our llama, Reno didn’t get to where she is today on her looks, coasting to power by showing a little leg (I just barfed).  She got there through hard work and an attitude that says “I’m Janet Reno and I’m going to arrest a unibomber, then I’m going to burn your Branch Davidian compound to the ground and then send a heavily armed SWAT team into a small house to seize a six year old Cuban boy.  And sometimes people confuse me for Harry Caray.”

If you still don’t get it, check the resemblance: